Monthly Archives: January 2014

28/01/14

today I learned:

  • sir ian mckellen, broke down an cried whilst filming ‘the hobbit’ because he had to film with a just a green screen instead of with other actors, he said “this is not why I became an actor”. him and patrick stewart can cry all they want; they will forever be the manliest of men.
  • tropicana orange juice is owned by pepsico and simply orange by coca cola. they strip the juice of oxygen for better storage, which strips the flavour. they then hire flavour and fragrance companies, who also formulate perfumes for dior, to engineer flavour packs to add to the juice to make it “fresh.” always delivering the upmost quality of drinks guys, thanks.
  • oranges grown in tropical countries remain green even when ripe. to attain the orange colour, they are either exposed to ethylene gas or dyed.
  • legendary author kurt vonnuget (slaughterhouse-five, cat’s cradle), a lifelong cigarette smoker, dubbed his habbit “a classy way to commit suicide.”
  • all olympic curling stones are made of a rare type of granite that is only found on a tiny island in scotland.
  • mose from the office is the co-creator of parks and recreation. woooooah!
  • cocaine increases that chance of having a heart attack within the hour by 2,400%
  • two men claimed to have been abducted by aliens with carrot-like faces and lobster-claw hands. the local sheriff left them alone and secretly recorded them, expecting a hoax to be revealed, but they continued to discuss the events with each other as if they were terrified. therefore, aliens with carrot-like faces and lobster-claw hands exist. your nightmares will thank me.
  • kim jong il’s official biography listed, among his achievements, a 38 shot round of golf, ability to control weather, he never needed to poop and was credited with inventing the hamburger. wow, kimmy, you’re sewww dreamy. no poop in that colon? oh, baby..
  • mosquitoes survive being hit by a raindrop, even though it is 50 times their weight and would be like a bus hitting a human. this is the “highest ever recorded acceleration that animals have survived.” sometimes I wish my skeleton was on the outside, too. that moments passes pretty quickly after falling on ice.
  • kim peek, the inspiration for the movie rain man, was a savant born with significant brain damage who has read over 12,000 books and remembers everything he’s read in them. he reads two pages at once, one with each eye, and remembers it all. he’s pretty incredible.
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23/01/14

today I learned:

  • the man who invented the candy life savers had a son who committed suicide by jumping off a ship 😦
  • a 2012 study in east germany was unable to find a single person under the age of 28 who believed in god. woah.
  • in 1770, the british parliament banned lipstick because it could “seduce men into marriage”, which was considered witchcraft. oh yeah, magic is clearly the cause. not beautiful female bodies, lady charm, or any of the other many qualities women can have. nawwww.
  • when the creation museum opened in kentucky, a plane flew over with a banner that said “thou shalt not lie.”
  • scientists have produced glow in the dark cats, as a part of AIDS research. HOW DOES THIS EVEN RELATE. (ok, so I figured it out. and by that I mean a wonderful internet mind has: the common way to show that you can make a transgenic animal is to show you can insert GFP, which makes the animal glow green under UV light. if you can do that, you can do anything else you want. the reason HIV researchers would want to use cats is because cats have a disease similar to HIV, FIV. the common animal models for HIV research are chimpanzees, which are ridiculously expensive and come with a whole slew of ethical issues, monkeys, which have the same issues as chimpanzees but are a little bit cheaper, and transgenic humanized mice, which express a human immune system proteins instead of mouse ones. the mice are cheap, but suck at modelling HIV before it becomes AIDs. the cats represent a new genetic model that have a disease pattern similar to HIV, a lot cheaper than non-human primates, and with fewer ethical constraints–although believe me, there are plenty)
  • in 1913 it was legal to mail children. like, actually mail them. in the mail. WITH STAMPS attached to their clothing, accompanied by letter carriers.

….I love you

today I learned:

  • tap water in canada is held to a higher health standard than bottled water. QUIT BUYING BOTTLED FRIGGIN WATER. please.
  • human saliva contains a painkiller that is 6 times more potent than morphine. holy. friggin. hell. and all this time while I’ve been letting my dog lick my wounds, I could have just asked my friends…
  • bill murray hired a deaf-mute personal assistant just to annoy those around him.
  • tibetans have a gene mutation that may represent the strongest instance of documented evolution in humans.
  • in australia, weird al’s “eat it” reached number one on the music charts while “beat it” (the original ya cave[wo]men) only got to number 3. this is a real win for funny white gingies. or a real loss for talented, white-but-black-at-the-same-time jackson.
  • netflix monitors bittorrent to decide which shows to purchase for the site. awesome. sew smart.
  • the chainsaw was originally designed as a medical tool used in symphysiotomy- the widening of a woman’s pelvis to aid in childbirth. it was also invented and used before anaesthetic even existed. yeah. my poor vagina has retreated into my cervix. it’s ok, baby. shhhh, the fear will pass. the fear will pass.
  • pom-pom crabs are named for their tendency to wave around stinging sea anemones in their claws to protect themselves against predators. cute as hell.
  • the inventor of the fleshlight created it to extract semen from horses. no I will not explain to you what a fleshlight is. ask your parents. or grandparents. or brother. or sister. or another family member. yeah, do that.

19/01/14

16/01/14

today I learned:

  • peter freuchen, a 6’7 jewish danish arctic explorer, is more badass than any other jewish danish arctic explorer I’ve EVER HEARD OF. THIS IS THE TRUTH. a woman once offered to bite off his toes. he declined, and instead chopped them off with shears and a hammer. he also was once trapped under a blizzard and cut his way out with a knife….made of his own feces. here he is photographed with his wife (the before-photograph-conversation probably went a little like this, according to a funny lil internet comedian/enne: “honey we have that photo shoot today so don’t forget to pick up your suit from the…” “I’m wearing my polar bear coat” “honey listen I know you want people to know you explored the arctic but it’s been 2 months and you haven’t taken off the..” “I’M WEARING MY POLAR BEAR COAT!!” “…(sigh)….fine”)
  • kid rock took a pay cut that cost him around $50,000 to $100,000 per night during his tour to keep ticket prices at $20 and a 12 oz beer at $4.
  • the artist who sings “mr. f” and “for british eyes only” in arrested development is lucy schwartz, the daughter of david schwartz, the composer of the show. she also sings the season 4 ending credits song “boomerang.”
  • it is rarely necessary to wait 24 hours before filing a missing person’s report; law enforcement agencies in the US stress the importance of a prompt investigation. the UK government web site says explicitly in large type “you don’t have to wait 24 hours before contacting the police”
  • THIS IS HOW DOGS REALLY DRINK WATER.

15/01/14

today I learned:

  • thomas edison taught his second wife morse code so they could communicate in secret by tapping into each other’s hands when her family was around. which really means he just didn’t like her family and didn’t know another language to rudely talk about them in front of them.
  • jackie chan’s mother was an opium smuggler and his father was a spy.
  • usain bolt ate nothing but chicken nuggets while he was in beijing because that was “the only thing he knew”. he won 3 gold metals. this means you can eat nothing but chicken nuggets and win gold medals, folks.
  • the engine on the BMW M5 is so quiet the company plays fake engine noises through the speakers to “remind” drivers of their car’s performance. WOW. this is what they’ll probably have to do for electric cars too. we’re suckers.
  • a new economic study of nielsen television ratings and birth records suggests that the show “16 and Pregnant,” and its spinoffs may have prevented more than 20,000 births to teenage mothers in 2010. it also prevented, like, 100,000 births to regular, in university-aged mothers because it reminded us how awful it is to have a baby and no money. thank you, irresponsible teenage moms. I’ll stop watching when I’m 33 and financially stable.

13/01/14

today I learned:

  • mark wahlberg had committed 20-25 crimes by the age of 21. these included throwing rocks at a bus full of black schoolchildren and knocking a vietnamese man unconscious (and blinding another). he was also addicted to cocaine by age 13. whaddaguy.
  • freud liked cocaine so much that he would give it to friends and family as a gift. soniceomg.
  • in the beginning of iron man, tony stark’s captors are revealing the entire movie plot in a language called urdu
  • there is a cognitive bias called the ikea effect, in which people “place a disproportionally high value on products they partially created.
  • the first man to finish the 1904 olympics marathon rode in a car most of the way. the winner was carried across the finish line after ingesting poison. fourth place took a nap en route. one of the two first black olympians came in ninth after being chased a mile off course by wild dogs. safe to say it was far more eventful than olympic marathons today…

09/01/14

today I learned:

  • leonardo dicaprio was named leonardo because his pregnant mother was looking at a leonardo da vinci painting in a museum in italy when dicaprio first kicked
  • marvel comics created a superhero called “blue ear” for a 4 year-old boy who had to wear hearing aids, but told his mom, “superheroes don’t wear hearing aids”. how awesome is that!
  • in 2009, a florida man accused his cat for downloading child pornography. he won the case. I’M KIDDING.
  • the FBI has gone into falafel-purchasing grocery store records to find iranian terrorists. tax money going to good work, hey?
  • men who have rabies can sometimes ejaculate uncontrollably up to 30 times a day. yeah. good morning to you as well.

08/01/14

today I learned:

  • castrated men live around 13.5 years longer than normal men due to the lack of testosterone.
  • in 1970, a protest group broke into a draft board office by slipping in during the day and taping a note on the door: “please don’t lock this door tonight.” they returned that night to find that the staff had obediently left the office open. nice.
  • nintendo consoles tend to be less powerful than other consoles because nintendo uses a business strategy called “lateral thinking with withered technology,” which essentially means they believe that video games don’t always have to use the latest technology to be the most fun. they’re right.
  • paul mccartney only agreed to be on the simpsons episode “lisa the vegetarian” if she remained a vegetarian the rest of the series.
  • nelson’s middle name in the simpsons is “mandela”
  • george lucas wanted tupac to play a jedi for star wars: the phantom menace in 1996. he died before his audition and was replaced in 1997 when production began 😦
  • the sonic boom created by a bullet is a strong enough shock wave to kill bacteria. WOAH.

loveyouguys

05/01/14

today I learned:

  • napoleon wasn’t actually short– he was actually taller than average. the idea that he was short was a result of british propaganda.
  • the co-creator of the simpsons, sam simon, has terminal cancer and intends to leave most of his fortune to animal charities and feeding the hungry once he passes.
  • the rhinoceros party was a registered party in canada during teh 1960s-1990s, led by cornelius, a rhinoceros, and promised to repeal the law of gravity and change canada’s currency to bubble gum so it could be inflated and deflated at any time.
  • german chocolate isn’t actually german; it’s just named after an american chocolate maker named sam german who developed the dark chocolate originally used in the recipe.
  • ben franklin wasn’t trusted to write the declaration of independence- it was feared he’d put a joke in it.
  • tim harris is a man with down syndrome who owns and runs a restaurant in albuquerque called “tim’s place”. it’s the only known restaurant owned by a person with down syndrome. plus, he’s won more olympic medals than michael phelps (at the special olympics), and he is AWESOME.

05/01/14

today I learned:

  • after stephen colbert called windsor, ontario, “the earth’s rectum”, the CBC made a poll on their website asking if the description was good for the city. 85% said yes.
  • ladybugs are extremely promiscuous. as a result, they have the highest rate of STDs among insects. not so much ladies now are we, girls?
  • there are more public libraries than mcdonalds in the US. win 1 for the world.
  • as a first lady, eleanor roosevelt only allowed female journalists at her press conferences, which ensured that newspapers would have to hire women.
  • in professional shooting, alcohol is actually considered to be a performance enhancing drug, since shooters can drink it to relax themselves, slowing their heart rate, giving them an edge. after the first few drinks, though…
  • as recently as 2008, china had elementary schools that were entirely sponsored by big tobacco companies. one in sichuan had a message at the front gate that read, “tobacco can help you become an achiever”. right. it sure can.
  • oskar schindler became virtually destitute (pas de cash or help) after the war after trying to raise chickens in argentina. for the rest of his life, he survived off gifts and donations from the jewish people he had saved during the war. karma, friend 🙂